We have two rules for the tub.
1) We do not stand in the tub.
2) We do not poop in the tub.
Lily likes to play fast and loose with both rules.
Tonight bathtime was provided by her oldest sister.
Afterward I found Pork Chop...my children would like their anonymity preserved, so with the exception of The Queen they will all be referred to by the nicknames given to them on my other blog....anyways...I discovered Pork Chop furiously sitting at the table working on her latest puzzle.
Her entire body language screamed "I'm so angry about this I'm going to hurt someone."
I attempted to slowly back out of the room. She is a teenage girl and sometimes, for the safety of everyone, it is best not to engage.
But it was too late.
I was spotted.
"YOUR BABY!" she accused. "She and I aren't friends. I'm not talking to her." She paused, took a deep breath, and then got right to the heart of the matter "Your baby pooped in the tub!"
"No" I said in mock horror that I hoped read as real horror to her ears. I looked a Lily who smiled back as if to say "It's true, I totally pooped in the tub. Again."
"She pooped in the tub and when I was fishing it out of the bath water she started handing it to me. HANDING IT TO ME."
"She was trying to be helpful?"I offered.
But the list of crimes was not complete yet. I did not fully understand all my poor teenage daughter had been forced to endure.
"So then I cleaned the tub and ran new water and washed her and then SHE POOPED AGAIN. AGAIN! Only this time it was a wet poop and she THREW IT AT ME! SHE THREW HER POOP AT ME!"
I'd like to think that at this point in the parenting game I've developed a fairly decent poker face. You know those moments when you have to discipline your child because their behaviour wasn't socially acceptable and you have to teach them not to be little jerkwads, but in reality you really just want to laugh your butt off because what they did was so unexpected and funny you can't help but laugh? I'm usually really good at not laughing.
I looked at Lily.
"Did you throw poop at your sister?"
And I swear on all that is holy she gave me her evil laugh.
I meant sternly to tell her "we do not throw poop at your sister." But I couldn't. The evil laugh did me in. I began laughing so hard I couldn't stand. Her cuteness saved her...again.
We'll add a third rule for bath time tomorrow.